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The View From HereConfessions of a middle aged, moderately depressed person 22 October ABORT! ABORT! ABORT!The fatal error in my mission began with my consenting to let my 14 yr old daughter take a shower before me.
For those of you who live in more modern homes (by which I mean those constructed after 1900), you may not understand this story. But bear with me and hopefully you'll be sympathethic in the end.
The plumbing in our 121 year old home was not designed for modern day water usage. And since it's only been patched by incompetent people, who apparently know less about plumbing than, say, me, we have some major issues (to learn more, check out Archives from September 2005 "A Mother's Work is Never Done"-which I tried to link for you, but I'm just not that advanced yet). What this means is this: the pipes are small & mainly clogged and our hot water heater (circa 1967) holds about 2 gallons of water.
Anyway, back to this morning. My son hopped in the shower first, which is fine because he takes 1.7 minutes start to finish. Just as I was going to drag my sorry, tired rear off the couch, my daughter (who just got a new hairstyle that she's still leaning how to do so she has to get up early enough to make it just right) got up and I, because I'm a self-less, "good" mother, let her go first with a quick word about how long her shower should be. She promised to make it short. Ha!
After several minutes of hearing the water run, I heard the shower door close! This is bad, I thought to myself. After several more minutes, I instructed my son to "flush" her out...which in our home literally means flushing the toilet so the water pressure shuts off and the showeree is forced to abandon their shower. She did turn off the water & came out a few minutes later with her sweet smile and moved to another bathroom to finish her morning routine.
Two things you need to know: I HATE cold showers and I really needed to shave my legs this morning. I mean really, really, really needed to shave my legs. If I hurry--I'm sure I can make it with hot water. Futile thinking from a desperate woman. I got done with shampoo & started the cream rinse and the temperature was dropping by the second. I picked up the shaver & cream and a voice in my mind started screaming "Abort! Abort! Abort!" Thankfully I responded quickly and got out right before the water turned glacial.
End result: legs so hairy I might start shedding; but no frostbite. 11 September IT'S ALIVE!!Blurry eyed & sleepy...she wipes the gunk from the corner of her eyes. Yes, after over a year on life support, she's back! A bit slow, maybe, and a little dazed...but alive! 05 July Slow DeathDue to several factors, I fear my blog is dying a slow, painful death. I think it's brain dead. I realize the power of revival is in my own hands. The problem is, my blog doesn't have a living will. I don't know it's last wishes. Do I pull the plug or resusitate. My blogs quality of life has been very low all summer. Does it want to continue? The question is Does it have the will to live?
15 June Free ShowFor those of you who've never been to Iowa, let me tell you something about it...it's windy. Where we live is particularly flat and slightly elevated, so there's a constant wind. We're used to it. But today, it's exceptionally windy--maybe a sustained wind of 25 mph? maybe more. Anyway, the wind is blowing in such a way that you get the full force of it at my entrance to my shop.
I don't always where skirts to work, but there's a large group coming today so I wanted to look nice and put on my favorite pink, knee length, linen, twirly skirt.
As I was walking in my shop, a gust came up and so did my skirt... exposing my back side to the guys at the fix-it shop, the people in the cafe, the local newspaper, and any other lucky passers by. I didn't even turn around to see if anyone was looking. If they were, in our small town, I'm sure I'll hear about it! 07 June More quotesI recently heard both these quotes again and the 1st one I thought was funny & the second one (although you wouldn't guess it from this space) is completely true (the small talk part--I can't hazard to guess why the people in my life love me).
guy 1: "Are you suicidal?"
guy 2: "Only in the morning."
from a popular movie
"I'm incapable of small talk. It's why you love me."
from a very popular movie 05 June Involuntary Insect Digestion cont...After the last blog, my sister reminded me of a few bug stories.
1) My mom opened her mouth to sing (probably in church) and a hairy moth flew in.
2) My great aunts mother lived on the prairie (that doesn't really matter, but it sounded cool) and a June Bug (yes, one of those big suckers) crawled in her ear. It caused tons of pain, they couldn't get it out, it started to drive her mad so they poured carosine in her ear to kill it.
Gross & interesting...a wonderful way to begin the week.
btw--thanks for the reassurances concerning the spider--I haven't experienced any unusual digestive tract things, so I assume it died an excrutiating death in my stomach acid. 30 May Strange Dreams or why I know I swallowed a spider in my sleepI woke up very early --I don't know how early- I never look at the clock because I'll stress that I'm up so early and not getting sleep. Anyhoo, I was up early then did, amazingly, fall back asleep and had a dream.
I was looking up at the most beautiful trees with purple & bright blue blossoms dripping from them. The wind started to blow and blew the petals...it was breathtaking...literally.
I dreamt I swallowed a petal but woke up coughing & gagging and trying to swallow the "petal" that went down my throat. Now, I know some of you will wonder how I know it was a spider. I don't know. Some things you just a have to take on faith. I believe it was a spider.
So, I'm lying there, gagging, choking down the foreign object and start thinking about the song "There was an old woman..."--you know, the one where she swallows the spider?. I mused over the possible truth of the song.
Could the "spider" be alive in my throat or stomach? Don't we have some sort of acid in us that would kill a small living object? I had to decide that we do, because the thought of a spider in my throat & stomach grosses me out. 23 May You know you're addicted when...I'm not one of those people, when asked about TV who replies with a smug "oh, I don't watch much" or "I don't have time for tv."
No, I unashamedly admit that I cut my teeth on the Brady Bunch, Leave it to Beaver, and Gilligan's Island then graduated to Happy Days, Luvern & Shirley, The Cosby Show etc... And now run (or rerun) with Seinfeld, 24, MASH...
I like watching tv and I'm a movie junkie. We purposely don't have cable or a dish because I would watch it waaaay too much.
That being said, I still didn't realize the depth of my love for and addiction to certain shows until last night...the season finale of 24.
Because of a hectic afternoon, I started supper (consisting of burgers, chips & strawberries-yeah, I know, not much) late. I put the burgers on the grill at 6:58...2 minutes before 24. I know that commercials are at perfect intervals for flipping burgers. However, not last night. I checked on the meat at the first commercial break and my first clue that something had gone terribly wrong was the smoke billowing from the grill (and since I started the deck on fire last summer, I immediately checked the railing...no fire...whew!).
I opened the grill and my juicy quarter pound burgers were reduced to quarter size briquettes. I should have taken a picture of them to show you--it was hysterical!
So, although food is my livelihood & passion, my love for 24 must be greater because in head to head competetion, 24 won.
15 May Time to killI'm roaming blogland. Waiting for my cakes to finish baking. I don't have a great attitude about work today. You see, it's Monday. Monday is my day off. But I'm here. Baking cakes. And washing dishes. And getting ready for 2 of the busiest weeks of the year. But, the smell of chocolate cake baking is always soothing. So I'm doing better. I'm also wondering how many incomplete sentences I can fit in one blog. In the name of creative freedom. Apparently alot. 05 May The ultimate in selfish blogging AND email rantYea for you!! I was waiting to see if I could get 20 comments--mostly random-- and all 5 of you delivered! Yes, I realize it was a bit tricksy of me, but wasn't it fun??
Now, on to more important business...
WARNING: I'M GOING TO RANT NOW
someone has recently added me to their email forwarding list and I'm starting to receive (daily) email messages, most of which might be charactarized as "inspirational". Is there any polite way to tell someone you HATE being forwarded 50 emails a week--especially ones that are lame???**
**I'm not suggesting that everything "inspirational" is lame, but tag lines like "send this to 10 friends immediately and you'll be blessed" annoy me to no end!!
another note: mom, if you read this, I don't mean you & dad--you're very discerning in the ones you forward & I greatly appreciate it :)
Okay, I'm done now. |
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